“Ugliest child I've ever seen!”

Leslie William Nielsen - Mr. Magoo

“How's the turtle Mrs. Stubbs? Did your kids ever figure out you switched turtles on them? Because I know it would be a major disappointment for them to find out.”

Steve Martin - Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli

“- Dr. Grant: These are carnivores and they really like fighting with each other. They'll use their teeth and claws to rip each other's throats out.
- Ellie Degler: Alan, he's three. Let's wait for the dinosaur lecture until he's five.”

Sam Neill - Dr. Alan Grant
Laura Dern - Ellie

“Mares eat oats and little lambs eat ivy. A kid will eat ivy, too.”
Vincent D'Onofrio - Carl Stargher

“You know, I know another little boy who has a horse. His name's Edward. The boy, not the horse.”
Jennifer Lopez - Catharine Deane