“It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.”
Virginia Smith - Caged Animal Masturbator

“Madame, if you continue masturbating my driver, you are going to be a murderer.”

Howard Hesseman - McBride

“- Hannah: Could you have ruined yourself somehow?
- Mickey: How could I ruin myself?
- Hannah: I don't know. Excessive masturbation?
- Mickey: You gonna start knocking my hobbies?”

Mia Farrow - Hannah
Woody Allen - Mickey

“Were you masturbating? You don't have to call it that word if that makes you uncomfortable. You can call it Sam's happy time or
my special alone time with myself.”

Julie White - Judy Witwicky

“- Billy: You were right. Women are bad, masturbating's good.
- Charlie Anders: No... masturbating's lonely.”
Brendan Fehr - Billy
Max Beesley - Charlie Anders