“- Ronald Camp: I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Ace. I'll have the plumbing checked immediately.
- Ace Ventura: Be sure that you do! If I'd been drinking out of the toilet, I might've been killed!”
Udo Kerr - Ronald Camp
Jim Carrey - Ace Ventura

“- Rachel: Lil, do we serve water with our whiskey?
- Lil: Only water I serve's got barley and hops in it. Hey everybody, do we serve water in this bar?”
Bridget Moynahan - Rachel
Maria Bello - Lil

“[pushes one kid in the water] Hey, don't pee in the water!
[pushes another kid in the water] Hey, don't drink the water, he peed in it!”
Tom Hodges - Lars

“- Mouth: Is this supposed to be water?
- Mama Fratelli: It's wet, ain't it? Drink it!”
Corey Feldman - Mouth
Anne Ramsey - Mama Fratelli

- Lucky Jordan: Don't you know that you shouldn't be drinking at your age?
- Annie ("Ma"): I'd like to be drinking at your age, but time passes.
Alan Ladd - Lucky Jordan
Mabel Paige - Annie ("Ma")