“- Henry Wayne: Do you like big women?
- T.K. Johnson: I love big women. If you want to feel the heat you got to have the meat.”
Tom Arnold - Henry Wayne
Anthony Anderson - T.K. Johnson

“- Jim McAllister: There's one more thing about Tracy I think you should know.
- Dave Novotny: Her pussy gets so wet you can't believe it.”
Matthew Broderick - Jim McAllister
Mark Harelik - Dave Novotny

“- Celia Clooney: Do you know a woman has 89 erogenous zones on her body.
- Clooney: Who says that?”
Paula Prentiss - Celia Clooney
Jack Lemmon - Victor Clooney

“- Velma: I know you. All you care about are swimsuit models.
- Fred: Look, I'm a man of substance. Dorky chicks like you turn me on, too.”
Linda Cardellini - Velma
Freddie Prinze Jr. - Fred

“- Alan Marciano: Why'd I get mixed up with that bitch?
- Lt. Vincent Hanna: Cause she's got a great ass... and you got your head all the way up it! Ferocious, aren't I? When I think of asses, a woman's ass, something comes out of me.”
Daniel L. Reardon - Alan Marciano
Al Pacino - Lt. Vincent Hanna