Jack Nicholson movie quotes

“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.”
Jack Nicholson

“Three things to remember when you get older: never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.”
Jack Nicholson - Edward

“If it works, that's The Method.”
Jack Nicholson

I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you're the greatest woman on earth. I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, and how you are with Spencer, "Spence", and in every single thought that you have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean... (continue)(continue reading)
Jack Nicholson - Melvin Udall

“- Jack Torrance: I'm not gonna hurt you.
- Wendy Torrance: Stay away from me!
- Jack Torrance: Wendy? Darling? Light, of my life. I'm not gonna hurt ya. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in! Gonna bash 'em right the fuck in!”
Jack Nicholson - Jack Torrance
Shelley Duvall - Wendy Torrance

“I only take viagra when I am with more than one woman.”
Jack Nicholson

“Sarcasm is anger's ugly cousin.”
Jack Nicholson - Dr. Buddy Rydell

“You see Danny, I can deal with the bullets, and the bombs, and the blood. I don't want money, and I don't want medals. What I do want is for you to stand there in that faggoty white uniform and with your Harvard mouth extend me some fucking courtesy.”

Jack Nicholson - Col. Nathan R. Jessup

“The whole thing is to keep working and pretty soon they'll think you're good.”
Jack Nicholson

“You just can't trust a guy who acts like he's got nothing to lose.”

Jack Nicholson - Frank Costello

“I've never loved anybody this way. Never looked at a woman and thought, if civilization fails, if the world ends, I'll still understand what God meant.”

Jack Nicholson - Will Randall

“If a guy's close to you, you can't slight 'im. You can't slight that guy. A real grievance can be resolved; differences can be resolved. But an imaginary hurt, a slight - that motherfucker gonna hate you 'til the day he dies.”
Jack Nicholson - James R. Hoffa

“Somewhere, some lucky guy's having a heart attack.”
Jack Nicholson - Edward

“When a woman unloads a husband, or a husband unloads a woman, however it happens, death, desertion, divorce - the three D’s, when that happens, a woman blooms. She blossoms. Like flowers. Like fruit. She is ripe.”
Jack Nicholson - Daryl Van Horne

“If there is any realistic deterrent to marriage, it's the fact that you can't afford divorce.”
Jack Nicholson

“I'm concerned about a Chinaman who thinks it's wise to come to a business transaction with automatic weapons. None of us are carrying automatic weapons. Because here, in this country, it don't add inches to your dick. You get a life sentence for it.”

Jack Nicholson - Frank Costello

“You dream that if you discuss the revolution with a man before you go to bed with him, it'll be missionary work rather than sex.”

Jack Nicholson - Eugene O'Neill

“- Dr. Buddy Rydell: Let me explain something to you, Dave. There are two kinds of angry people in this world: explosive and implosive. Explosive is the kind of individual you see screaming at the cashier for not taking their coupons. Implosive is the cashier who remains quiet day after day and finally shoots everyone in the store. You're the...” (continue)(continue reading)
Jack Nicholson - Dr. Buddy Rydell
Adam Sandler - Dave Buznik

“- Melvin Udall: You make me want to be a better man.
- Carol Connelly: ...That's maybe the best compliment of my life.
- Melvin Udall: Well, maybe I overshot a little, because I was aiming at just enough to keep you from walking out.”
Jack Nicholson - Melvin Udall
Helen Hunt - Carol Connelly

“You're very beautiful and you think men are only interested in you because you're beautiful, but you want them to be interested in you because you're you. The problem is, aside from all that beauty, you're not very interesting. You're rude, you're hostile, you're sullen, you're withdrawn. I know you want someone to look past all that at the real...” (continue)(continue reading)

Jack Nicholson - Will Randall

“There she is, the evening star. She shines first, she shines brightest, and she shines longest.”
Jack Nicholson - Garrett Breedlove

“Do you think God knew what He was doing when He created woman? No shit. I really wanna know. Or do you think it was just another one of His minor mistakes like tidal waves, earthquakes, floods? You think women are like that? You don't think God makes mistakes? Of course He does. We all make mistakes. Of course, when we make mistakes they call it...” (continue)(continue reading)
Jack Nicholson - Daryl Van Horne

“- Receptionist: How do you write women so well?
- Melvin Udall: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.”
Julie Benz - Receptionist
Jack Nicholson - Melvin Udall

“- Carol Connelly: We all have these terrible stories to get over, and you...
- Melvin Udall: It's not true. Some of us have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that's their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that...” (continue)(continue reading)
Julie Benz - Carol Connelly
Jack Nicholson - Melvin Udall

“It's not right to go into details, I got nervous. I screwed up, I said the wrong thing... Where if I hadn't, I could be in bed right now with a woman who, if you make her laugh, you got a life. Instead I'm here with you. No offense, but a moron pushing the last legal drug.”

Jack Nicholson - Melvin Udall