“- Uncle Jesse Duke: Why are divorces so expensive?
- Luke Duke: Why?
- Uncle Jesse Duke: 'Cause they're worth it!”
Willie Nelson - Uncle Jesse Duke
Johnny Knoxville - Luke Duke

“I been savin' this money for a divorce, if ever I got a husband.”
Lillian Randolph - Annie

“- Monroe Cole: Seven million!
- Grace Sutherland: It's a negotiation.
- Grace Sutherland: You've handled dictators. You've handled terrorists.
- Monroe Cole: Terrorists were easier, I swear to God!”

Gene Hackman - Monroe Cole
Marcia Gay Harden - Grace Sutherland

“It's a beautiful thing, alimony. You lose a husband, you get a car. Think it'll help me pick up dudes?”

Diana Scarwid - Jody

“- Francine Fishpaw: Caught you, didn't I? Right in the act of adultery! I won't stand for this, Elmer. I want a divorce! And a big, fat settlement to go along with it!
- Elmer Fishpaw: You'll never get a penny out of me, you fat hunk of cellulite. I only support the women I love!”

Divine - Francine Fishpaw
David Samson - Elmer Fishpaw