“A philosopher as well as an artist. It is we who suffer most.”

Christopher Plummer - Bill

“- Jeremy: Friedrich Nietzsche! We cannot burn Friedrich Nietzsche; he was the most important thinker of 19th Century!
- Elsa: Nietzsche was a chauvinist pig, who was in love with his sister.
- Jeremy: He was not a chauvinist pig.
- Elsa: But he was in love with his sister.”

Tom Rooney - Jeremy
Amy Sloan - Elsa

“- Max Dugan: Maybe I'm your father, but you're not my daughter. Do you know what Kierkegaard once said?
- Nora McPhee: Yes! And I'm not interested in any more of your roommates!”
Jason Robards - Max Dugan
Marsha Mason - Nora McPhee

“I roll joints in pages from philosophers' books. It's like smoking their thoughts.”

Lonny Ross - Joe

“- Dole Office Clerk: Occupation?
- Comicus: Stand-up philosopher.
- Dole Office Clerk: What?
- Comicus: Stand-up philosopher. I coalesce the vapors of human experience into a viable and meaningful comprehension.”
Bea Arthur - Dole Office Clerk
Mel Brooks - Comicus