“History of the World, Part I” quotes

Movie History of the World, Part I
Mel Brooks directed this movie in 1981
Title History of the World, Part I
Original title History of the World: Part I
Year 1981
Director Mel Brooks
Genre History, Comedy, Musical
Plot – The movie is the history of the world by Mel Brooks' point of view.
All actors – Mel Brooks, Dom DeLuise, Madeline Kahn, Harvey Korman, Cloris Leachman, Ron Carey, Gregory Hines, Pamela Stephenson, Shecky Greene, Sid Caesar, Mary-Margaret Humes, Orson Welles, Rudy De Luca, Leigh French, Richard Karron, Susette Carroll, Sammy Shore, J.J. Barry, Earl Finn, Suzanne Kent, Michael Champion, Howard Morris, Charlie Callas, Dena Dietrich, Paul Mazursky, Ron Clark, Jack Riley, Art Metrano, Diane Day, Henny Youngman, Hunter von Leer, Fritz Feld, Hugh M. Hefner, Pat McCormick, Barry Levinson, Sid Gould, Ronny Graham, Jim Steck, John Myhers, Lee Delano, Robert Goldberg, Alan U. Schwartz, Jay Burton, Robert Zappy, Ira Miller, Milt Freedman, Johnny Silver, Charles Thomas Murphy, Rod Haase, Eileen Saki, John Hurt, Henry Kaiser, Zale Kessler, Anthony Messina, Howard Mann, Sandy Helberg, Mitchell Bock, Gilbert Lee, Molly Basler, Deborah Dawes, Christine Dickinson, Lisa Sohm, Michele Drake, Jeana Keough, Lisa Welch, Janis Schmitt, Heidi Sorenson, Karen Morton, Kathy Collins, Lori Sutton, Lou Mulford, Jackie Mason, Phil Leeds, Jack Carter, Jan Murray, Andréas Voutsinas, Spike Milligan, John Hillerman, Sydney Lassick, Jonathan Cecil, Andrew Sachs, Fiona Richmond, Nigel Hawthorne, Bella Emberg, Geoffrey Larder, George Lane Cooper, Stephanie Marrian, Royce Mills, Mike Cottrell, Gerald Staddon, John Ghavan, Rusty Goffe, Scott Henderson, Michael Miller, Royce D. Applegate, Bea Arthur, Sean Barry-Weske, Ava Cadell, Harry Fielder, Rod Haask, Linda Hoxit, Denise McKenna, Cleo Rocos, Dom Salinaro, Albert Whitlock
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  • “- Dole Office Clerk: Occupation?
    - Gladiator - The Roman Empire: Gladiator.
    - Dole Office Clerk: Did you kill last week?
    - Gladiator - The Roman Empire: No.
    - Dole Office Clerk: Did you try to kill last week?
    - Gladiator - The Roman Empire: Yeah.
    - Dole Office Clerk: Now, listen, this is your last week of unemployment insurance. Either you kill...” (continue)
    (continue reading)
    Bea Arthur - Dole Office Clerk
    Jim Steck - Gladiator - The Roman Empire
    [Tag:job, killing]
  • “- Leader of Senate - The Roman Empire: All fellow members of the Roman senate hear me. Shall we continue to build palace after palace for the rich? Or shall we aspire to a more noble purpose and build decent housing for the poor? How does the senate vote?
    - Entire Senate: Fuck the poor!”

    John Myhers - Leader of Senate - The Roman Empire
  • “- Rat Vendor - The French Revolution: Rats, rats for sale. Get your rats. Good for rat stew, rat soup, rat pies, or the ever-popular ratatouille.
    - Nothing Vendor - The French Revolution: Nothing, I have absolutely nothing for sale!”

    Jack Carter - Rat Vendor - The French Revolution
    Jan Murray - Nothing Vendor - The French Revolution
    [Tag:animals, france, job]
  • “- Dole Office Clerk: Occupation?
    - Comicus: Stand-up philosopher.
    - Dole Office Clerk: What?
    - Comicus: Stand-up philosopher. I coalesce the vapors of human experience into a viable and meaningful comprehension.”

    Bea Arthur - Dole Office Clerk
    Mel Brooks - Comicus
    [Tag:job, philosophers]
  • “Knight jumps queen! Bishop jumps queen! Pawns jump queen! Gangbang!”
    Mel Brooks - King Louis XVI
  • “- Count de Monet: It is said that the people are revolting.
    - King Louis XVI: You said it! They stink on ice!”

    Harvey Korman - Count de Monet
    Mel Brooks - King Louis XVI
    [Tag:disgust, people]
  • “- Jacques: Last request! I have a last request!
    - Citizen Official - The French Revolution: What is your last request?
    - Jacques: Novocaine!
    [the Official confers with the Executioner]
    - Citizen Official - The French Revolution: There is no such thing known to medical science!
    - Jacques: I'll wait!”

    Mel Brooks - Jacques
    Nigel Hawthorne - Citizen Official - The French Revolution
  • “Columns, columns! Get your columns here! Ionic, Doric, Corinthian! Put a few columns in front, turn any hovel into a showplace! Columns! Sir, don't touch the merchandise! All right now, columns, columns!”

    Barry Levinson - Column Salesman - The Roman Empire
  • “Even in most primitive man, the need to create was part of his nature. This need, this talent clearly separated early man from animals, who would never know this gift.”
    Orson Welles - Narrator (voice)
  • “- Comicus: Have you heard of this new sect, the Christians? They are a laughriot! First of all, they are so poor...
    - Swiftus: How poor are they?
    - Comicus: Thank you! They are so poor... that they only have one God!”

    Mel Brooks - Comicus
    Ron Carey - Swiftus
  • “- Oedipus - The Roman Empire: Give to Oedipus! Give to Oedipus! Hey, Josephus!
    - Josephus: Hey, motherfucker!”

    Ronny Graham - Oedipus - The Roman Empire
    Gregory Hines - Josephus
  • “We Romans are rich. We've got a lot of gods. We've got a god for everything. The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation... but I hear that's coming quickly.”
    Mel Brooks - Comicus
    [Tag:god, rome]
  • “And of course, with the birth of the artist came the inevitable afterbirth... the critic.”
    Orson Welles - Narrator (voice)
    [Tag:artist, critics]
  • “The Lord, the Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen…
    [drops one of the tablets]
    Ten! Ten commandments for all to obey!”

    Mel Brooks - Moses
    [Tag:god, rules]
  • “- Marcus Vindictus: Do you know the punishment for a slave who strikes a Roman citizen? [the crowd starts shouting and raising hands] Ok, you, you had your hand up first.
    - Man 1: Death by torture!
    - Marcus Vindictus: No. You?
    - Man 2: Crucifixion!
    - Marcus Vindictus: Wrong! You?
    - Man 3: They shove a living snake up your ass!
    - Marcus Vindictus...” (continue)
    (continue reading)
    Shecky Greene - Marcus Vindictus