“- Mauricio: Who's Vicki?
- Hal: Vicki. Vicki, with the short brown hair.
- Mauricio: Vicki? I thought that was a guy! I was calling her Vic!”
Jason Alexander - Mauricio
Jack Black - Hal

“There's no relation between how sexy a girl looks and her sex life. The ugly ones seem to get all the action.”
Peter Sarsgaard - Clyde Martin

“- Prime Minister Soto: President Benson, where's your First Lady?
- Tug Benson: I don't know. I've had lots of women. Lost my flower at the age of 15. I can't keep track.”
Clyde Kusatsu - Prime Minister Soto
Lloyd Bridges - Tug Benson

“- Melissa: I just feel really close to you.
- Tripp: You are really close to me.”
Katheryn Winnick - Melissa
Matthew McConaughey - Tripp

- Gary: McKinley needs to experience "The Ultimate"!
- J.J.: You mean, penis-in-vagina?
- Gary: No, dickhead - sex.
A.D. Miles - Gary
Zak Orth - J.J.