“- Gene Watson: You never once saw your mom and I kiss like that?
- Lynn Watson: No way.
- Gene Watson: Not once? How did you see us kiss? That's it? That 'mwah', that little peck of a kiss? Honey, you missed a whole lot of kissing.”

Johnny Depp - Gene Watson
Courtney Chase - Lynn Watson

“There are some things you should know. Um, no kissing, no holding hands. My parents are not Lydia and Gerald. I've never seen them touch, let alone anything else.”

Kal Penn - Nikhil a.k.a. Gogol

“My dad always drives my mum, so that means I gotta ride you!”
Glenndon Chatman - Young Quincy

“- Grandfather Disguisey: When you were on the roof, did you hear something like this?
[Slaps Pistachio]
- Pistachio Disguisey: Yes exactly that! But without the pain on my face. We have a clue!”
Harold Gould - Grandfather Disguisey
Dana Carvey - Pistachio Disguisey

“- Jeff: Hi, I’m Jeff... I have a bush too. It's not grey.
- Alex: Hey!
- Jeff: What?
- Alex: My bush isn't really grey.
- Jeff: Well, not according to my mom.”
Nick Swardson - Jeff
Allen Covert - Alex