“- Freddy Nefler: You'll be much less neurotic if your parents are happily divorced, rather than unhappily married.
- Phyllis Nefler: Thank you, Phil Donahue.
- Freddy Nefler: I saw it on Oprah!”
Craig T. Nelson - Freddy Nefler
Shelley Lee Long - Phyllis Nefler

“- Cindy Jo: Larry, darling, your guests are wondering if you're all right? What's the matter, dear?
- Larry Burrows: My parents are divorced.
- Cindy Jo: Of course they are. Everybody's parents are divorced.”
Rene Russo - Cindy Jo
Jim Belushi - Larry Burrows

“After we get your parents back together, help me split up mine!”

Patrick LaBrecque - Marshall

“I can't believe I brought my real parents to our wedding.”
Brad Pitt - John Smith

“- Antonio Pirelli: Can I have a month off next August?
- John Carter: What for?
- Antonio Pirelli: Well, you see, my lawyer, he got-a me a divorce, and one month every year I win the custody of my wife's parents.”
Chico Marx - Antonio Pirelli
James Burke - John Carter