“- The Old Man Parker: What is the name of the Lone Ranger's nephew's horse?
- Mother Parker: Ah... Victor! His name is Victor.
- The Old Man Parker: How the hell did you know that?
- Mother Parker: Everybody knows that!”
Darren McGavin - The Old Man Parker
Melinda Dillon - Mother Parker

- Dr. Diane Turner: How would you characterize "The Great Gatsby"?
- Thornton Melon: He was... uh... great!
Sally Kellerman - Dr. Diane Turner
Rodney Dangerfield - Thornton Melon

“- Michael: I'm getting tired of everything I write being read in the can.
- Harold: You can read Dostoyevsky in the can.
- Michael: Yes, but they can't finish it.”
Jeff Goldblum - Michael
Kevin Kline - Harold

“I am certain that there are two things in life which are dependable: the delights of the flesh and the delights of literature. I have had the good fortune to enjoy them both equally.”
Vivian Wu - Nagiko

“Let's say there was a burning building and you could rush in and you could save only one thing: either the last known copy of Shakespeare's plays or some anonymous human being. What would you do?”
Rob Reiner - Sheldon Flender