“- Martin: You love me! Has there been a day in the last five years that we haven't talked?
- Liz: But you're more like a gay friend than a boyfriend.
- Martin: But I'm not gay!”
Daniel Brocklebank - Martin
Thora Birch - Liz

“- Dex: If you're hanging out with women as friends, your doing your research in the wrong library.
- Dave: What's wrong with being friends with women?
- Dex: Nothing, but getting out of that category of 'friend' is harder than like getting out of Alcatraz.”
Donal Logue - Dex
James 'Kimo' Wills - Dave

“- Jimmy Dix: You don't like women much do ya Joe?
- Joe Hallenbeck: At least I liked the guy she was fuckin'. He was my best friend.”

Damon Wayans - Jimmy Dix
Bruce Willis - Joe Hallenbeck

“Why is it every time your best friend's kissing you on the head, a beautiful woman comes along and catches you?”
Jim Belushi - Larry Burrows

“Harden yourself against subordinates. Have no friend. Trust no woman.”
Cedrick Webster Hardwicke - Sethi