“- Streebek: This guy knows God personally, I hear they play racquetball together.
- Friday: Well, just go ahead and chuckle away, mister. I don't hear God laughing.
- Streebek: You will, once he sees your haircut.”
Tom Hanks - Streebek
Dan Aykroyd - Friday

“- McKenzie: Will ya look at that, they're putting a bloody Sheila on the team!
- Sargie 'Fumblina' Wilkinson: We'll be the laughing stock of college football.
- Charlie Banks: What do you think we are now?”

Louis Mandylor - McKenzie
Marcus Giamatti - Sargie 'Fumblina' Wilkinson
Andrew Lauer - Charlie Banks

“I don't think a woman is really a woman, unless she's a blonde.”
Angelina Jolie - Gia Carangi

“All of the most beautiful women had dark hair. Helen of Troy, Cleopatra, Nefertiti, Joan of Arc to name a few. In fact, it's well known that these fair haired ladies like to sit on men's faces.”
Sir Sean Connery - Ramírez

“- Jessica: Hildenburg, I'm sorry I humiliated you in front of the whole school and the visiting eighth graders, but you have no idea what it's like... to wake up every morning... and have to shave your chin.
- Hildenburg: [crying] Yes, I do.”
Rob Schneider - Jessica
Megan Kuhlmann - Hildenburg