“- Nacho: I'm not listening to you! You only believe in science. That's probably why we never win!
- Esqueleto: We never win because you are fat!”

Jack Black - Nacho
Héctor Jiménez - Esqueleto

“- Courtney: Why does everyone have to go on a diet?
- Sparky Polastri: Because in cheerleading we throw people into the air. And fat people don't go as high.”
Clare Kramer - Courtney
Ian Roberts - Sparky Polastri

“- Mrs. Phelps Potter - Edith: You're so slim, I could kill you.
- Mrs. Stephen Haines - Mary: You don't have to. The diet I'm on is pure poison.”
Phyllis Povah - Mrs. Phelps Potter - Edith
Norma Shearer - Mrs. Stephen Haines - Mary

“- Anne: I can't, I'm on the zone.
- Roland Sharp: What zone?
- Anne: The proper combination of protein, fat and carbohydrates.
- Roland Sharp: This combination here is proper as hell.”

Christina Milian - Anne
Tommy Lee Jones - Roland Sharp

“- Det. Barzak: What the fuck is that shit?
- Det. Hazeltine: Yogurt, yeast paste, lecithin; all the things you ought to be eating. Want some?
- Det. Barzak: No way, man. I'm on a low-mucous diet. You know that.”
Robert Carradine - Det. Barzak
Billy Dee Williams - Det. Hazeltine