“- Judge: Bailiff! Throw this jackass out of my courtroom!
- Mr. Mifflin: He's not only that! He's also a pervert! He touches himself in the mens room!
- Peggy Schuyler: And he cheated on my daddy! He had sex with a dead woman in your office!
- Burton Schuyler: You're fired Cobb!”
Harvey Vernon - Judge
Michael Ensign - Mr. Mifflin
Madolyn Smith Osborne - Peggy Schuyler
Dana Elcar - Burton Schuyler

“Madame, if you continue masturbating my driver, you are going to be a murderer.”

Howard Hesseman - McBride

“- Hannah: Could you have ruined yourself somehow?
- Mickey: How could I ruin myself?
- Hannah: I don't know. Excessive masturbation?
- Mickey: You gonna start knocking my hobbies?”

Mia Farrow - Hannah
Woody Allen - Mickey

“Were you masturbating? You don't have to call it that word if that makes you uncomfortable. You can call it Sam's happy time or
my special alone time with myself.”

Julie White - Judy Witwicky

“- Billy: You were right. Women are bad, masturbating's good.
- Charlie Anders: No... masturbating's lonely.”
Brendan Fehr - Billy
Max Beesley - Charlie Anders