Ashton Kutcher movie quotes

“- Jake Fischer: When you can't save 'em all, how do you choose who lives?
- Ben Randall: It's probably different for everybody Jake. It's kind of simple for me though. I take the first one I come to or the weakest one in the group and then I swim as fast and as hard as I can for as long as I can. And the sea takes the rest.”
Ashton Kutcher - Jake Fischer
Kevin Costner - Ben Randall

“I'd rather do nothing and be happy than do something I know I don't love.”

Ashton Kutcher - Jack Fuller

“That's just it, she's everything I'm not. You know, she's my other half. Without her I'm not whole. You know the thing about meeting your other half is you're walking around, you think you're happy, you think you're whole, then you realize you ain't shit without her. Then you can't go back to being just a half 'cause you know what it's like to...” (continue)(continue reading)
Ashton Kutcher - Simon Green

“Walden Schmidt-Can we get one of those fancy Japanese toilets that sprays water and sprays your tooshie.
Evelyn Harper-With your money you can find an actual Japanese person to do it
”
Ashton Kutcher - Walden Schmidt
Holland Taylor - Evelyn Harper

“Walden Schmidt-You've mistaken tooth paste for lubricant?
Alan Harper-Just once and it stung like hell, but my penis was minty fresh.
Walden Schmidt-How did you know it was minty fresh?
Alan Harper-Years of yoga and loneliness.
”
Ashton Kutcher - Walden Schmidt
Jon Cryer - Alan Harper

“Alan Harper-You gotta be excited about having your girlfriend back. What has been like a month?
Walden Schmidt-Three weeks.
Alan Harper-Still that is like a decade in penis years.
”
Ashton Kutcher - Walden Schmidt
Jon Cryer - Alan Harper

“Berta-You can just keep staring at your laptop all day.
Walden Schmidt-I made a billion dollars doing this.
Berta-Well, carry on.
”
Ashton Kutcher - Walden Schmidt
Conchata Ferrell - Berta

“Alan Harper-Lyndsey has been pushing me to make a commitment because some other guy asked her out.
Walden Schmidt-Who asked her out?
Alan Harper-Her gynecologist.
Walden Schmidt-At least he knows what he is getting into.
”
Ashton Kutcher - Walden Schmidt
Jon Cryer - Alan Harper

“Alan Harper-I appreciate the pep talk, but I have lost all hope.
Walden Schmidt-Well, I can't give you hope, but I can give you my American Express black card.
Alan Harper-Hope is for losers.
”
Ashton Kutcher - Walden Schmidt
Jon Cryer - Alan Harper

“Walden Schmidt-So, Japan, huh? I am excited for you.
Jake harper-Yeah, my only worry is that they have not found Godzilla.
”
Ashton Kutcher - Walden Schmidt
Angus T. Jones - Jake Harper

“My penis is like Santa Claus, I don’t have to see it, I just need to believe it exists.”
Ashton Kutcher - Walden Schmidt

“Dating is based on a point system. Pam's good looking, so that's 25 points. Bob's the nicest guy in the world, so that's like, a point? But he has money, so there's 24 points.”
Ashton Kutcher - Michael Kelso

“You ladies don't know what I'm going through. I mean, you can have all the sex you want and don't have to worry about getting anyone pregnant.”

Ashton Kutcher - Michael Kelso

“Michael Kelso-Look Jackie, here's the deal. You cheated on me.
Jackie Burkhardt-You cheated on me all the time.
Michael Kelso-Well, yeah... but you cheated out of hate, and I cheated out of joy.”
Ashton Kutcher - Michael Kelso
Mila Kunis - Jackie Burkhart

“Horrormovies turn on chicks faster than porno.”
Ashton Kutcher - Michael Kelso

Michael Kelso-I say do it with her.
Eric Forman-Kelso, your solution to everything is "Do it with her".
Michael Kelso-Hey, it worked on my science teacher. C minus.
Ashton Kutcher - Michael Kelso
Christopher Grace - Eric Forman

“Fez-I just wish that there was someplace in the world where prejudice didn't exist.
Michael Kelso-Well, that's Canada... Yup, good ol' Canada. They don't make generalizations about people because they're too busy playin' hockey or gettin' drunk or puttin' maple syrup on their ham.”
Ashton Kutcher - Michael Kelso

“I still can't get over you cheating on me, and I need to hear you apologize again. And this time, maybe you should cry or give me money.”

Ashton Kutcher - Michael Kelso

“You can't sleep in the same bed with someone and not be doin' it. I've fallen asleep not doin' it and woken up doin' it.”
Ashton Kutcher - Michael Kelso

“When guys cheat, its because they need some hot action. But when girlscheat it's way worse, 'cause girls don't even like sex.”
Ashton Kutcher - Michael Kelso

“Well, if being smart isn't gonna help me impress the chicks, then I want no part of it.”
Ashton Kutcher - Michael Kelso

“Michael Kelso-Dates cost money.
Fez-No, Kelso, that is prostitution.
Steven Hyde-No, Fez, dating IS prostitution. Only, you don't always get what you paid for.”
Ashton Kutcher - Michael Kelso
Wilmer Valderrama - Fez
Danny Masterson - Steven Hyde

“Fez, unfortunately there are some people in this world that are gonna judge you on the color of your skin or your funny accent or that girly little way you run. But you know what? You're not alone. Why do you think the martians won't land here? 'Cause they're green, and they know people are gonna make fun of them!”

Ashton Kutcher - Michael Kelso

“A UNICEF contribution of thirteen cents will feed a child for a month. Man, living in Africa must be great. Everything's so cheap.”

Ashton Kutcher - Michael Kelso

“Your soul is like an appendix. I don't even use mine.”
Ashton Kutcher - Michael Kelso