“- Professor Carl Mason: Come on let's do it on the table.
- Joyce: I told you, the table's too hard!
- Professor Carl Mason: No it's not!
- Joyce: Oh that's easy for you to say, I'm the one on the bottom!”

James Rebhorn - Prof. Carl Mason
Patsy Pease - Joyce

“- Mike Chadway: Abby, you're a very attractive woman, but you're completely inaccessible. You're all about comfort and efficiency!
- Abby: What's wrong with comfort and efficiency?
- Mike Chadway: Well nothing, except no one wants to fuck it.”
Gerard Butler - Mike Chadway
Katherine Heigl - Abby

“Don't worry. Nobody dies in this story. They just get really big boo-boos.”
Keith Scott - The Narrator

“- Nick: What does it feel like?
- Terry: Nothing, yet.
- Nick: No, I mean knowing you're about to die.
- Terry: Relief.”
Brad Hunt - Nick
David Arquette - Terry

“What faces will smile on me when I die? Who will comfort me that long night?”
Jamie Bell - Smike