“- Philip Edwards: Sometimes the shepherd needs the comfort of the sheep.
- Elena Hood: I'm going to try hard not to understand the implications of that.”
Michael Cumpsty - Philip Edwards
Joan Allen - Elena Hood

“- Mox: The male erection? Pitchin' a tent, sportin' a wood, the icicle if formed, the march is on…
- Miss Davis: That's good...
- Mox: Stiff, stiffie, Mr. Mortis, rigor mortis has set in, flesh rocket, Jack's magic beanstalk, tall Tommy, mushroom on a stick, Mr. Mushroomhead, purple-headed yogurt slinger... and, uh, Pedro.”

James Van Der Beek - Mox
Tonie Perensky - Miss Davis

“It's like riding a bicycle... upside down.”

Diane Keaton - Bridget Cardigan

“How about you come back to my place and I'll show you my man-size cannelloni?”
Burgess Meredith - Grandpa Gustafson

“My life sucks. Now, come on give her the Waikikiki sneaky behind the cheeky.”
Rob Schneider - Ula