- Andrew Martin: What a piece of fecal matter.
- Rupert Burns: Shit.
- Andrew Martin: Excuse me?
- Rupert Burns: What a piece of shit.
- Andrew Martin: I know that.
- Rupert Burns: No, that's what you say when you're frustrated. You say: "piece of shit”.
- Andrew Martin: "Piece of shit"?
- Rupert Burns: Yes, but with feeling.
Robin Williams - Andrew Martin
Oliver Platt - Rupert Burns

“- Roy Alston: You remember Christmas? That guy smashing your car and taking off? You could do nothing about it.
- Bo Richards: I was so pissed off, man. I wanted to kill that guy.
- Roy Alston: That's how I feel all the time.”
Maxwell Caulfield - Roy Alston
Charlie Sheen - Bo Richards

“Fear is just a feeling. You feel hot. You feel hungry. You feel angry. You feel afraid. Fear can never kill you.”
Joel Grey - Chiun

“That’s what I’m doing now. Hanging on and screaming but you can’t hear me. Nobody can.”
Anne Hathaway - Linda

“My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.”
Adam Sandler - Robert 'Bobby' Boucher Jr.