“- Jack McMullen: Jesus! How about a mercy flush...?
- Patrick McMullen: Hey, I'm going to the bathroom here. What do you expect it to smell like...?
- Jack McMullen: Yeah? Well, you ought to be going to a doctor. Either that or I'll get Molly to change butchers.”
Jack Mulcahy - Jack McMullen
Michael McGlone - Patrick McMullen

“Dead men tell no tales, but they fart.”
Janice E. O'Malley - Nurse Krud

“There is an air of quiet death in this house and I do not like the way it smells.”
Daniel Day-Lewis - Reynolds Woodcock

“- Dr. Bronson: I'm afraid I have some bad news. Your boy is very sick. He's lost a massive amount of blood, and his pulse and retinal response are poor, and as you can see there's an axe sticking out of his head.
- Big Chuck: He's not sick, you idiot, he's dead!
- Dr. Bronson: Oh, everybody's a doctor. You think maybe I could make the diagnosis?”
Austin Pendleton - Dr. Bronson
Paul Dooley - Big Chuck

“I'm dying. I know this because my physician has stopped talking about my health and begun discussing the weather.”
Albert Finney - Uncle Henry