“You know why they call you Goon? Because you're retarded. And you're ugly. You're an ugly retard. And they call you Goon because you're ugly and retarded. And you'll always be Goon... Goon, Goon, Goon. And that's what I'm gonna call you for the rest of your life, is Goon. Goon, Goon, Goon, Goon, okay? So fuck you.”

Vincent Gallo - Billy Brown

“- Rick: Hey when are you going to stop calling me Barny?
- Turtle: When you're not a Barny anymore, Barny.”
Matt Adler - Rick
John Philbin - Turtle

“- Turtle: Stay loose, Haole.
- Rick: What's a Haole?
- Turtle: A tourist, a mainlander, like you.
- Rick: I'm not a tourist.
- Turtle: Whatever, Barney.
- Rick: What's a Barney?
- Turtle: It's like Barno... Barnyard... a haole to the max, a kook in and out of the water. Yeah?”
John Philbin - Turtle
Matt Adler - Rick

“- The Cat: Here she is, the Super Luxurious Omnidirectional Whatchamajigger, or S-L-O-W for short.
- Sally: S-L-O-W?
- The Cat: Yeah, S.L.O.W. It's better than the last thing we had: Super Hydraulic Instantaneous Transporter.”

Mike Myers - The Cat
Dakota Fanning - Sally

“- Evil Emperor Zurg: A delightful blend of man and machine... with just a naughty touch of lingonberry! I shall call you... Agent Z!
- Agent Z: That's stupid.”
Wayne Knight - Evil Emperor Zurg
Diedrich Bader - Agent Z