“- Rod Lane: I had a hard-on this morning when I woke up, Tina...had your name written all over it.
- Tina Gray: There's four letters in my name, Rod. How can there be enough room on your joint for four letters?”
Jsu Garcia - Rod Lane
Amanda Wyss - Tina Gray

“Penis is the name. Doctor Thesius Lyndon Penis. I accept all major credit cards.”
Michael Richards - Lacrobat

- Baker: Joseph P. Brenner. What's the "P" stand for?
- Joseph P. Brenner: Pussy.

Ed Lauter - Baker
Arnold Schwarzenegger - Joseph P. Brenner

- Brian: God bless you.
- Larry Gigli: Thank you.
- Brian: No, not you, stupid. When my penis sneezes, I say "God bless you, penis".
Justin Bartha - Brian
Ben Affleck - Larry Gigli

“That must be Lord Farquaad's castle... Do you think he's maybe compensating for something?”

Mike Myers - Shrek