“- Kay: We are the best kept secret in the galaxy. We monitor, licence and police all alien activity on the Earth. We're your first, last, and only line of defense. We live in secret, we exist in shadow.
- Jay: And we dress in black.”
Tommy Lee Jones - Kay
Will Smith - Jay

“All right, kid, here's the deal. At any given time there are approximately 1500 aliens on the planet, most of them right here in Manhattan. And most of them are decent enough, they're just trying to make a living.”

Tommy Lee Jones - Kay

“Imagine a giant cockroach, with unlimited strength, a massive inferiority complex, and a real short temper, is tear-assing around Manhattan island in a brand new Edgar suit. That sound like fun?”

Tommy Lee Jones - Kay

They were a group of intergalactic refugees. Wanted to the use the earth as an apolitical zone for creatures without a planet. Did you ever seen the movie "Casablanca"? Same thing, except no Nazis. We agreed, and we concealed all the evidence of their landing.

Tommy Lee Jones - Kay

“- Jay: You do know Elvis is dead, right?
- Kay: No, Elvis is not dead, he just went home.”

Will Smith - Jay
Tommy Lee Jones - Kay