“Pigman is trying to prove the Caine-Hackman theory. No matter what time it is, 24 hours a day, you can find a Michael Caine or Gene Hackman movie playing on TV.”
Jeremy Piven - James 'Droz' Andrews

“Better on TV than on the streets.”

James Woods - Max Renn

“Yes, I know a stalker died! It had to happen sooner or later! Well, it is a contact sport, okay? You want ratings. You want people in front of the television instead of picket lines. Well, you're not gonna get that with re-runs of Gilligan's Island.”

Richard Dawson - Damon Killian

“My daddy always used to say there was a separate god for children.”
Mary-Louise Parker - Ruth Jamison

- Creepy Guy: Know how many assassins it took to kill JFK?
- Nelson Hibbert: One?
- Creepy Guy: Nope. There were no gunmen at all. His head just did that. I call it the "No Bullet theory".
Enrico Colantoni - Creepy Guy
Dave Foley - Nelson Hibbert