“- Recruiter: Have you ever been convicted of a felony or a misdemeanor? That's robbery, rape, car theft, that sort of thing.
- John: Convicted? No.
- Russell: Never convicted.”

William Lucking - Recruiter
Bill Murray - John
Harold Ramis - Russell

“- Hedley Lamarr: Qualifications?
- Applicant: Rape, murder, arson, and rape.
- Hedley Lamarr: You said rape twice.
- Applicant: I like rape.”
Harvey Korman - Hedley Lamarr

“- Brenner: What's worse than rape?
- Colonel Robert Moore: When you find that out... then you'll know everything, won't you?”

John Travolta - Paul Brenner
James Woods - Colonel Moore

“- Castor Troy: Do you have protection?
- Jamie Archer: Protection? You mean like condoms?
- Castor Troy: Protection. Next time, let Carl take his pants down, slip this in his thigh, twist it. So the wound won't close...”

John Travolta - Castor Troy
Dominique Swain - Jamie Archer

“- McBride: A woman says you and your friends tried to rape her... and her dog.
- Casey Meadows: She was worth 20,000 points.”
Howard Hesseman - McBride
Deborah Foreman - Casey Meadows