“- Miss Ungermeyer: Mr. Craft, have you even started on your summer reading list?
- Ethan Craft: I finished it.
- Miss Ungermeyer: You read eleven books?
- Ethan Craft: I mean I read the list!”
Alex Borstein - Miss Ungermeyer
Clayton Snyder - Ethan Craft

“- Vice Principal Gene Wolters: I care about these kids just as much as you do. And if I'm forced to choose between Mozart and reading and writing and long division, I choose long division.
- Glenn Holland: Well, I guess you can cut the arts as much as you want, Gene. Sooner or later, these kids aren't going to have anything to read or write about.”
William H. Macy - Vice Principal Gene Wolters
Richard Stephen Dreyfuss - Glenn Holland

“School is just for white people looking for other white people to read to 'em. I figured I save my money and read to myself.”
Rutina Wesley - Tara Thornton

“What do you mean by reading a book? Suppose you learn something. Loyal Moronicans shouldn't read. Take your troops out and have them burn every book in Moronica.”
Moe Howard - Moe Hailstone

“We have no secrets from our readers.”

Orson Welles - Kane