“- Jack Singer: Let's just say that I get a little flustered when I'm hurling through space and... what happens if I pull the red one first?
- Roy Bacon: Oh, well then neither chute will open. You'll end up on the ground looking like a well-done chili burger. They'll have to shovel you into a coffin!”
Nicolas Cage - Jack Singer
Burton Gilliam - Roy Bacon, Elvis Impersonator

“At least she died healthy.”

Ellen Lee DeGeneres - Sgt. Rita Pompano

“- Dr. Bronson: I'm afraid I have some bad news. Your boy is very sick. He's lost a massive amount of blood, and his pulse and retinal response are poor, and as you can see there's an axe sticking out of his head.
- Big Chuck: He's not sick, you idiot, he's dead!
- Dr. Bronson: Oh, everybody's a doctor. You think maybe I could make the diagnosis?”
Austin Pendleton - Dr. Bronson
Paul Dooley - Big Chuck

“- Mr. Dingle: You know son... your mother and I, and the ambulance driver, and the coroner, and the embalmer, we're all pretty much convinced that you were dead.
- Johnny: I got better.
- Mr. Dingle: Well, welcome home, son.”
Edward Herrmann - Mr. Dingle
Andrew Lowery - Johnny

“- CC Bloom: Hmm. Marge, you ought to cut down on the gasoline. It's bad for the complexion.
- Hillary: She could be dead.
- CC Bloom: Nah. If she was dead she would've dropped the bottle.”

Bette Midler - CC Bloom
Barbara Hershey - Hillary Whitney Essex