“- Billy: She's married to some big black stud and he's gonna cut your pecker off.
- Tommy: Yeah, I hear he's packing tweezers.”

Mark Herrier - Billy
Wyatt Knight - Tommy

“- Art Weingartner: Safety is my middle name.
- Ray Peterson: I thought his middle name was Louis.”
Rick Ducommun - Art Weingartner
Tom Hanks - Ray Peterson

“Prepare ship for ludicrous speed! Fasten all seatbelts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall, cancel the three ring circus, secure all animals in the zoo!”
George Wyner - Colonel Sandurz

“One pod left and three of us and I'm the President. Well, boys, it's a very lovely ship. I think you should go down with it.”

Mel Brooks - President Skroob

- Padre: It's not safe for you to be here.
- Machete: I'm not looking for "safe".
- Padre: No, I mean it's not safe for me for you to be here! [he quickly blesses Machete] I absolve you of all your sins. Now, get the fuck out!
Cheech Marin - Padre
Danny Trejo - Machete