- Anne Uumellmahaye: Michael, you do so much for me, and I do nothing for you.
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Are you out of your head? Sorry, I forgot. As far as I'm concerned, you're the most complete woman I've ever known. All my life, I wanted women with great bodies, women who were "Tens". Now, for the first time, I'm aroused by a mind.
Sissy Spacek - Anne Uumellmahaye
Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr

“I sang and nobody listened, I painted and nobody cared to look, I killed 4 people and what happens? A work of art.”
Daniel Craig - Perry Smith

“To have a brain, it's not a sin. To have a brain and not use it, that is a sin.”
Armin Mueller-Stahl - Doc

“- President Camacho: Now I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now. But I've got a 3 point plan that's going to fix everything.
- Congressman: Break it down, Camacho!
- President Camacho: Number 1: We've got this guy Not Sure. Number 2: He's got a higher IQ than any man alive. And number 3: He's going to fix everything.”
Terry Crews - President Camacho
Christopher M. Campos - Congressman

“- Rita: You think Einstein walked around thinkin' everyone was a bunch of dumb shits?
- Joe Bowers: Yeah. Hadn't thought of that.
- Rita: Now you know why he built that bomb.”
Maya Rudolph - Rita
Luke Wilson - Joe Bauers