“- Howard D. Doyle: I love you. I trust you.
- Miles Massey: It's the pre-nup. Brilliant.”
Billy Bob Thornton - Howard D. Doyle
George Clooney - Miles

“- Angela Stone: I think it's wonderful that Martha and Bill have a marriage contract that spells out everything. I wish we had a contract.
- Sam Stone: You mean like who takes out the garbage? That kind of everything?
- Bill: Every kind of everything. How often, who starts it, everything.”
Nita Talbot - Angela
Bill Macy - Sam
Sam Chew Jr. - Bill

“- Plankton: Karen, baby, I haven't felt this giddy since the day you agreed to be my wife!
- Karen: I never agreed.”
Mr. Lawrence - Plankton
Jill Talley - Karen

- Stuart Mackenzie: We both said "I do", and we haven't agreed on a single thing since.
- May Mackenzie: That's true!
- Stuart Mackenzie: But I'm glad I married you, May, because hey, could've been worse.
Mike Myers - Stuart Mackenzie
Brenda Fricker - May Mackenzie

“- Rick: Have I kissed you today?
- Evelyn: I hate it when you do that.
- Rick: Why?
- Evelyn: Makes me feel like agreeing to anything.”
Brendan Fraser - Rick O'Connell
Rachel Weisz - Evelyn Carnahan