“- Peg: Good morning Joyce. Avon calling.
- Joyce: Well Peg, have you gone blind? Can't you see there's a vehicle in my driveway?
- Peg: Yes.
- Joyce: Well don't you know that means I'm busy?”
Dianne Wiest - Peg
Kathy Baker - Joyce

- Billy: She's the only girl that makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. When I'm not with her... I'm not living. I'm only existing until I can hold her in my arms again.
- Jessica: [sighs]
- Jake: "Gay, gay, gay, gay."
Matthew Lawrence - Billy
Rob Schneider - Jessica
Eric Christian Olsen - Jake

“Put a cork in it honey, I'm talkin business.”

Dan Aykroyd - Roman Craig

“I gotta go to the John, I'll be right back. Gonna introduce Mr. Thick Dick to Mr. Urinal Cake!”
Dan Aykroyd - Roman Craig

“Wait a minute. No way! Wait a hot shittin minute. Rule 1: no relative of mine is going to eat hot dogs as long as he is sharing my cabin.”
Dan Aykroyd - Roman Craig