“- Fred Domino: Who ordered 60 double Buster Burgers?
- Magneto Jones: That fat motherfucker right there. Them two giggling twin motherfuckers right there. And that skinny walnut headed right there ordered 72.”
Sandy Hackett - Fred Domino
Chip McAllister - Magneto Jones

“- José Jalapeño: Purple bastard.
- Peanut: Mexican condiment.
- Jeff Dunham: A condiment?
- José Jalapeño: I do not use them.
- Peanut: You don't?
- José Jalapeño: And neither did your mother.”

Jeff Dunham - José Jalapeño
Jeff Dunham - Peanut
Jeff Dunham - Himself

“There's a name for you ladies, but it isn't used in high society... outside of a kennel.”
Joan Crawford - Crystal Allen

“Who turns you into a vain, cheap, worldly fool? Linton does. You'll never love him, but you'll let yourself be loved because it pleases your stupid, greedy vanity.”

Laurence Olivier - Heathcliff

“- The Great Edgar: I've got a good mind to...
- Charlie: Why don't you use it?”
Edgar Bergen - The Great Edgar
Charlie McCarthy - Charlie