“- Vic Deakins: You just saved me 3 million dollars. I owe you one.
- Terry Carmichael: Shoot yourself. We'll call it square.”
John Travolta - Vic Deakins
Samantha Mathis - Terry Carmichael

“You ever see the back of a twenty dollar bill... on weed? Oh, there's some crazy shit, man. There's a dude in the bushes. Has he got a gun? I dunno!”
Jon Stewart - Enhancement Smoker

“- Antoine Laconte: Medieval weapons. I'm a collector. They're worth twice as much if they've killed somebody.
- Deuce Bigalow: I collect Canadian quarters. I've got about six of 'em.”
Oded Fehr - Antoine Laconte
Rob Schneider - Deuce Bigalow

“- William Strannix: These things are gonna sell like hotcakes!
- Commander Krill: Absolutely.
- William Strannix: What are you gonna do when you get two hundred million dollars in the bank?
- Commander Krill: Buy the presidency!”

Tommy Lee Jones - William Strannix
Gary Busey - Commander Krill

“All right, son: roll them guns up, count the money, and put your seat belt on.”

Vinnie Jones - Big Chris