“You know what your problem is? Your face. Come on, you're too good-looking. Girls go out with you and get nervous. They feel dumpy, they don't want to compete. They want a guy like... like me. A guy who'll make them look good. A basic Neanderthal type. The swarthy type. A man's man.”
Jim Belushi - Bernie

“- Astrid Magnussen: Looks don't interest me.
- Paul Trout: That's easy for you to say, you've never been ugly.”
Alison Lohman - Astrid Magnussen
Patrick Fugit - Paul Trout

“You're giving her beauty advice? Do you even own a fucking mirror?”
Melissa McCarthy - Mullins

“I found the people at the Oscars singularly unattractive, didn't you? I noticed a general decline in facelifts and hair transplants. Must be the economy, don't you think?”
Maggie Smith - Diana Barrie

“- Max Conners: How do I look?
- Page Conners: If I were a guy, I'd do you.”
Sigourney Weaver - Max Conners
Jennifer Love Hewitt - Page Conners