“- Deacon 'Deke' Kaye: We need to sell that shit on eBay.
- Jim Street: I only have one.
- Deacon 'Deke' Kaye: We'll split the profits fifty-fifty, corner the market. Break 'em down like a shotgun, The Polish Penetrator!”

LL Cool J - Deacon 'Deke' Kaye
Colin Farrell - Jim Street

“So I downloaded a couple thousand songs off the internet! Who hasn't?”
Anthony Anderson - Glen

“I love this internet. It's part fantasy, part community, and you get to pay your bills naked.”
Stockard Channing - Dolly

“- Carol: Someone tracked down and bought all those wonderful antique toys.
- Scott Calvin: Probably someone that knows his way around eBay.”

Elizabeth Mitchell - Carol
Tim Allen - Scott Calvin

“- Dominic Manetta: Times are changing. You've got to change with the times.
- Paul Vitti: What, am I supposed to get a fuckin' website?”
Joseph Rigano - Dominic Manetta
Robert De Niro - Paul Vitti