“It's all right. I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr... Poopy Pants?”
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Mr. Grover: If you're a detective, I'm a monkey's uncle.
- Wolf J. Flywheel: Keep your family out of this!”
Douglass Dumbrille - Mr. Grover
Groucho Marx - Wolf J. Flywheel

“- Chet: And by the way, don't try to steal any of our stuff on your way out!
- Kate: Stuff? What stuff is there to steal?
- Connie: Oh, we got stuff!
- Kate: You're a louse!
- Connie: Well, why don't you go find yourself a spin cycle!
- Chet: Yeah, go find yourself a spin cycle! [turning to Connie] What the hell does that mean?”

John Candy - Chet Ripley
Annette Bening - Kate Craig
Stephanie Faracy - Connie Ripley

“You wouldn't know a good time if it fell out of the sky and landed on your face and started to wiggle!”
Dan Aykroyd - Roman Craig

“- Henry Lowenstein: You're a real dyed-in-the-wool son of a bitch. Anybody ever tell you that?
- Steve Everett: Just close friends and family.”
Anthony Zerbe - Henry Lowenstein
Clint Eastwood - Steve Everett