“- Fowler: I have half a mind to ask Barclay for permission to beat you!
- Tommy Judd: Well, you've half a mind. We can all agree on that.”
Tristan Oliver - Fowler
Colin Firth - Tommy Judd

“- Cousin Eddie: I haven't seen a beatin' like that since somebody stuck a banana in my pants and turned a monkey loose.
- Clark Griswold: Thanks for the pick me up Eddie.”
Randy Quaid - Cousin Eddie
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Assistant Mechanic: Never heard of no one so shit-all stupid as you drivin' off that road. You musta got manure for your brains.
- Clark Griswold: Yeah, well, I'm from out of town.”
John Diehl - Assistant Mechanic
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“When a man gets a hard on, you know where the blood comes from, right? You know where the blood comes from, right? His head and his feet. So, A - he's stupid, and B - he can't run.”
Isaiah Washington - Savon Garrison

“Don't stand there gawping! Like you've never seen the hand o' God before!”
Graham Arthur Chapman - General