“- Terry Barkley: Franklin, I'm not in the mood for octopus rallies.
- Franklin: Terry, I need you! Your body's driving me crazy!
- Terry Barkley: Franklin, Barbiedolls drive you crazy. You're oversexed!”
Linda Blair - Terry Barkley
Christopher S. Nelson - Franklin

“I've seen the way women look at you, even though they know you're a priest - especially when they know actually.”

Jenna Elfman - Anna Riley

“- Col: You could always make it up to her. When a girl runs out like that, she generally wants to be followed.
- Fergus: She's not a girl, Col.
- Col: Whatever you say.”

Jim Broadbent - Col
Stephen Rea - Fergus

“- The Devil: Make it impossible for him to work his macho machinations onto any more unsuspecting female.
- God: And how do I do that?
- The Devil: Easy. Make him a woman.”

Bruce Payne - The Devil
Richard Provost - God

“- Elliott James: You know what my problem is? The way they smell. The perfume of their skin. It's, it's so intoxicating. I told my wife I'd never even look at other women if only I could cut off my nose.
- Michael Burgess: What'd she say?
- Elliott James: She said I was aiming too high.”

Sir Michael Caine - Elliott James
Alan Alda - Michael Burgess