“- Ameribanx Bank Manager: What happened to Phil?
- Dick Harper: Necrotizing Fasciitis Caused by an invasive streptococcus.
- Ameribanx Bank Manager: What?
- Dick Harper: Flesh-eating disorder. Its all over the money. Might wanna wash your hands.”
Garrett M. Brown - Ameribanx Bank Manager
Jim Carrey - Dick Harper

“- Lady Customer: Really? Stomach cramps? But it's such a good buy.
- Paul Bland: Is lighter fluid at three ninety-five a pint but I wouldn't serve it to my dinner guests.”

Lynn Hobart - Lady Customer
Paul Bartel - Paul Bland

“- Egbert Sousé: Hello, Doc. How are ya? How's business?
- Dr. Stall: Fair, fair. I don't suppose we'll ever get another whooping cough epidemic again.”
W.C. Fields - Egbert Sousé
Harlan Briggs - Dr. Stall

“- Flo Addams: Maybe he won't wanna leave. He told me on a postcard he's in a grand hideout and having a swell time with his mental disorder.
- Little John Sarto: If he ever told you that on a postcard, maybe they ought to keep him in there.”

Ann Sothern - Flo Addams
Edward G. Robinson - Little John Sarto

“There will be epidemics of greed, hate and ignorance. We must fight them in life as we fought syphilis in the laboratory. We must fight, fight. We must never, never stop fighting.”

Edward G. Robinson - Dr. Paul Ehrlich