“Hey, kids, it's me. I bet you thought that I was dead. But when I fell over I just broke my leg and got a hemorrhage in my head. Ha ha ha.”
Shane Farberman - Clown

“I don't know why you going home to your wife. You got shot in the leg, your dick probably don't even work.”
Will Smith - Mike Lowrey

“- Detective Mike Lowrey: Me? I shot you? I mean, I was shooting. I did at lot of shooting. But I'm not saying I shot you in the ass... but I'm not saying I didn't shoot you.
[looks]
- Detective Mike Lowrey: But damn! Somebody shot you in the ass!
- Detective Marcus Burnett: Tell me about it.”
Will Smith - Detective Mike Lowrey
Martin Lawrence - Detective Marcus Burnett

“- Detective Mike Lowrey: All these guns in here, and don't none of y'all got no bullets?
- Tito Vargas: I got one, in my hip!
- Syd: Oh God, he's hit!”

Will Smith - Detective Mike Lowrey
Reynaldo Gallegos - Tito Vargas
Gabrielle Union - Syd

“- Sam McKenna: Hey, doc, what happened to your foot?
- Dr. Farthing: What I don't understand is... when you owe a bookie a lot of money, and he, say, blows off one of your toes, you still owe him the money. Doesn't seem fair to me. Especially when he's gonna kill me in four days anyway.”
Artie Lange - Sam McKenna
Chevy Chase - Dr. Farthing