“- Mr. Furious: Why am I doing this, again?
- The Sphinx: When you can balance a tack hammer on your head, you will head off your foes with a balanced attack.
- Mr. Furious: And why am I wearing the watermelon on my feet?
- The Sphinx: I don't remember telling you to do that.”

Ben Stiller - Furious
Wes Studi - Sphinx

“- Exercise Instructress: Let's begin with posture. A lady always enters a room erect.
- Mrs. Howard Fowler - Sylvia: Most of my friends exit horizontally.”
Ann Morriss - Exercise Instructress
Rosalind Russell - Mrs. Howard Fowler - Sylvia

“- Secretary: Mr. Melborne, what are you doing down there?
- Melborne: Having a private heart attack!”

Allan Cuthbertson - Melborne

“- Sam: I had two heart attacks before I got the bicycle.
- Sandy Bates: And since then?
- Sam: I also had two.”
J.E. Beaucaire - Sam
Woody Allen - Sandy Bates

“- Sgt. Hulka: We got a full day ahead of us. We're gonna start out with a five-mile run.
- John Winger: I know that I'm speaking for the entire platoon when I say this run should be postponed until this platoon is better rested.
- Sgt Hulka: Well, I'll tell you what, soldier. Let's make it ten miles.”
Warren Oates - Sgt. Hulka
Bill Murray - John