“- Roland T. Flakfizer: She looks like she's about fifteen.
- Lazlo: No, no, no.
- Roland T. Flakfizer: Okay, fourteen then. In fact I know she's fourteen, because I was dating her a year ago.”
John Turturro - Roland T. Flakfizer
John Savident - Edmund Lazlo

“Act your age, not your shoe size.”
Christina Ricci - Kate Flax

“You'll excuse me, I won't join you. I find adolescence makes you nervous enough.”

Diana Lynn - Lucy Hill

“You're behaving like a romantic girl of eighteen.”

Gladys Cooper - Mrs. Henry Vale

“- Jeff Kohlver: Is this some kind of teenage joke?
- Hayley Stark: Teenage? Yeah. Joke? No.”
Patrick Wilson - Jeff Kohlver
Ellen Page - Hayley Stark