“- Doug Remer: Oh, I'll come, I love hospitals.
- Joe Cooper: No you don't, you like Taco Bell!
- Doug Remer: No, one time I was at this hospital, in France, and I met this great chick.
- Joe Cooper: Dude, that was a hostel.”
Trey Parker - Doug Remer
Matt Stone - Joey Thomas

“- Lamarr: We've got movie stars in my hotel!
- Faye Dolan: They're musicians, actually.
- Lamarr: Even better!”
Obba Babatundé - Lamarr
Liv Tyler - Faye Dolan

- Billy: [noticing a dingy hotel that says "St. James"] This one looks all right.
- Josh: No, it doesn't.
- Billy: St. James, Josh! It's religious.
Jared Rushton - Billy
Tom Hanks - Josh

“- Sgt. Taggart: Nah, that's alright. You keep it as a souvenir.
- Axel Foley: I already have three of 'em in my bag.”

John Ashton - Sgt. Taggart
Eddie Murphy - Axel Foley

“- Bellboy: [dropping newspaper on pile of unread ones outside a hotel room] How long they been in there?
- Hotel Maid: 5 days.
- Bellboy: That must be a hotel record.
- Hotel Maid: For a political convention. Honeymoon record's 9 days.”
Doris Roberts - Hotel Maid