“Nearly as big as my dick... nearly as big as my dick... and twice as fucking hard!”

Rhys Ifans - Alex Madden

“Is that a dagger in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?”

Kristy McNichol - Mabel Stanley

- Angelica Chaste: Seems mine is bigger than yours.
- Stevie "The Rose" Rosellini: Size doesn't matter.
- Angelica Chaste: Oh, yes it does.
- Stevie "The Rose" Rosellini: You mean those girls have been lying to me all those years?

Sheryl Lee - Angelica Chaste
Jim Belushi - Stevie "The Rose" Rosellini

“- Jo Bob Priddy: Where's your gun, Elliott?
- Phillip Elliott: Freud says that guns are an extension of your dick, Jo Bob.”
Bo Svenson - Jo Bob Priddy
Nick Nolte - Phillip Elliott

“- Doc Stanton: Your face really does seem... familiar.
- Peter Appleton: [looking in the mirror] Wish I could say the same thing.”
David Ogden Stiers - Doc Stanton
Jim Carrey - Peter Appleton