“Restaurant security. Just a minor utensil violation. Go ahead, enjoy your dinner.”
Michael Keaton - Billy Caufield

“The police have returned to the safety of their doughnut shops.”
Ismael 'East' Carlo - Father Rodriguez

“- Farva: Give me a double bacon cheeseburger.
- Dimpus Burger Guy: [into mic] Double bacon cheeseburger. It's for a cop.
- Farva: What the hell's that all about? You gonna spit in it now?
- Dimpus Burger Guy: No, I just told him that so he makes it good.
[into mic]
- Dimpus Burger Guy: Don't spit in that cop's burger.
- Farva: Yeah, thanks.”
Kevin Heffernan - Farva
Charlie Finn - Dimpus Burger Guy

“- Bill Reimers: I don't believe this. They ate all the food and left dog turds in the fridge.
- Chris Lecce: Don't worry. I'll go to the supermarket. What do you want?
- Bill Reimers: Truth and justice.
- Chris Lecce: Anything else?
- Bill Reimers: Doughnuts.
- Chris Lecce: Why not? We are cops.”

Emilio Estevez - Bill Reimers
Richard Stephen Dreyfuss - Chris Lecce

“It's true what they say: cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano; sure, it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin