“- Switowski: How do I look?
- Caretaker: Much better, like a young Michael Jackson.
- Switowski: I love little Michael.”

Bob Sapp - Switowski
Chris Rock - Caretaker

“- Melvin Moody: You broke my nose!
- Ricky Linderman: It looks better that way!”
Matt Dillon - Moody
Adam Baldwin - Linderman

“- Buddy Evans: What's wrong with my forehead?
- Ms. Werner: Look at those lines.
- Buddy Evans: What lines?
- Ms. Werner: Looks like it's suffering from erosion.
- Buddy Evans: As long as we're talking about looks, your nose isn't exactly classic.
- Ms. Werner: Has anyone ever suggested that you plant corn in your eyebrows?”
Burt Reynolds - Buddy Evans
Carol Locatell - Ms. Werner

“- Clifford Muckle - Boy in Bank: Mommy, doesn't that man have a funny nose?
- Mrs. Muckle - Mother in Bank: You mustn't make fun of the gentleman, Clifford. You'd like to have a nose like that full of nickels, wouldn't you?”

Bobby Larson - Clifford Muckle - Boy in Bank
Jan Duggan - Mrs. Muckle - Mother in Bank

“A lie keeps growing and growing until it's as plain as the nose on your face.”

Evelyn Venable - The Blue Fairy