Chris Rock quotes
“I see [illegal immigration] as white people finding loopholes in the slavery laws.”
“If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near fourty.”
“After I lost my dad, I realized none of us should take things too seriously, because everything works itself out. Everything. No matter what happens, or how difficult things become, eventually you will feel better.”
“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon.’ Need I say...” (continue)(continue reading)
“Nice genes. You got the chromosomes in all the right places.”
“You won’t be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.”
“- Compulsive Dog: He threw the ball! Oh, he threw the ball! I'll get it! I'll get it! I love you! I love you! You threw the ball!
- Rodney: You can't save them all, Hasselhoff.”
“- Sontee Jenkins: What kind of man are you?
- Lance Barton: Sounds like I'm an asshole!”
“- Jay: Yo man, tell me something about me.
- Rufus: You masturbate more than anyone on the planet.
- Jay: Aw fuck, everyone knows that. Tell me something nobody knows.
- Rufus: When you do it, you're thinking about guys.
- Jay: Dude, not all the time.”
“Shut up before I crush you with my wallet!”
“I'm ten-years-old. My life is half over and I don't even know if I'm black with white stripes or white with black stripes!”
“- Mays Gilliam: Are you seeing somebody else?
- Kim: I'm seeing everybody else! I've met mosquitoes with more force than you!”
“- Jake Hayes: Is this fish?
- Nicole: Yeah, of course. You love fish.
- Jake Hayes: That's right. I love fish, but that's before I became a vegetarian. Oh, waiter, waiter! I can't eat this. Can you get me something else? How about a steak, medium well, please.”
“- Roxanne Chase-Feder: Your son is so cute. How old is he?
- Eric Lamonsoff: 48 months.
- Kurt McKenzie: That's 4.
- Eric Lamonsoff: Yeah.”
“- Rufus: I'm telling you, man, this ceremony is a big mistake.
- Cardinal Glick: The Catholic Church does not make mistakes.
- Rufus: Please. What about the Church's silentconsent to the slavetrade?
- Bethany: And its platform of noninvolvement during the Holocaust?
- Cardinal Glick: All right, mistakes were made.”
“- Alex: Our friend just went a little crazy. Happens to everybody. The city gets to us all. Just went a little cuckoo in the head.
- Marty: Don't you be calling me cuckoo in the head!”
“When I was a kid, we were so poor... that the roaches was on welfare.”
“- Officer Oaks: I'm not married.
- Jake Hayes: What, there's no Mrs. Spy?
- Officer Oaks: No, relationships and attachments are useless in this business.”
“I can't believe nobody's even scared of a black guy anymore! Damn you, Obama!”