“- Marcy Tizard: Go back to your wife!
- Sean Kelly: My ex-wife. We're going through with the divorce.
- Marcy Tizard: They don't have divorce in Ireland.
- Sean Kelly: They do. It just got in.”
Janeane Garofalo - Marcy Tizard
David O'Hara - Sean Kelly

“Well, you must be Jake's hot date. I'm Melanie, Jake's snotty Yankee bitch wife whom he refuses to divorce even though I'm engaged to another man.”
Reese Witherspoon - Melanie Smooter

“My ex-wife left me for another woman.”
Woody Allen - Isaac

“- Lucille: A lot of other men I could have married, Eddie - still are!
- The Shoveller: I understand.
- Lucille: If one person vomits in my pool, I'm divorcing you!
- The Shoveller: That's fair.”

Jenifer Lewis - Lucille
William H. Macy - Shoveler

“When a woman unloads a husband, or a husband unloads a woman, however it happens, death, desertion, divorce - the three D’s, when that happens, a woman blooms. She blossoms. Like flowers. Like fruit. She is ripe.”
Jack Nicholson - Daryl Van Horne