Janeane Garofalo quotes
“OK, now I'm going back to graduate school. That was the agreement.”
- Medieval Times Waitress: There were no utensils in Medieval times, hence there are no utensils at "Medieval Times". Now, would you like a refill on that Pepsi?
- Steven M. Kovacs: There were no utensils, but there was Pepsi?
- Medieval Times Waitress: Dude, I've got a lot of tables.
“- Disco Cabbie: You need to find yourself a man who's secure enough to appreciate you for the superior woman that you are. I like a strong woman.
- Ellie: Oh... yeah. Mm-hmm.
- Disco Cabbie: And you are a strong woman. If I was you, I would pull over with me and celebrate our strength together. What do you think about that, baby?
- Ellie: This...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Mr. Furious: Seems there was a little controversy there regarding your father's death.
- The Bowler: Yes, the police said he fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets.
- The Blue Raja: You know, I've alwas suspected a bit of foul play there.
- The Bowler: As have I.”
- I'm Only Creative When I Smoke Smoker: Would you like to hear some of my poetry?
- Thurgood Jenkins: Not really, no.
- I'm Only Creative When I Smoke Smoker: You really should. "I have killed. I have helped kill. I have killed part of myself. I cannot change this. I... I must seek Buddha. I must seek Christ".
- Thurgood Jenkins: You must seek... (continue)(continue reading)
“- Cosmo Reif: But, I thought, you were like my girlfriend.
- Honey: Cosmo, I like you. Of all the people that pay to have sex with me, I like you the best.”
“- Colette: What are you doing?
- Linguini: Uh, I'm cutting vegetables. I'm cutting the... vegetables?
- Colette: No! You waste energy and time! You think cooking is a cute job, eh?”
“- Marcy Tizard: What do you think, tending bar in a tasteless shirt is a more profound and valid way to spend your time?
- Sean Kelly: Yes, I do think that tending bar in a tasteless shirt is a more profound and valid use of my time, yes I do, that's why I do it.”
“Well guys, we've made it to the end of the summer in one piece, except for a few campers who are lepers. ”
“- Marcy Tizard: Go back to your wife!
- Sean Kelly: My ex-wife. We're going through with the divorce.
- Marcy Tizard: They don't have divorce in Ireland.
- Sean Kelly: They do. It just got in.”
“- The Blue Raja: Am I to understand you've inserted your father's skull inside of that ball for bowling?
- The Bowler: No, the guy at the pro shop did it.”
“I would have to say loneliness is next to uncleanliness.”
“I don't really have funny things to say about politics. I wish I did, but I don't.”
“Men are allowed to age. Men are allowed to gain weight. Men are allowed to be quirky looking.”
“- Vic Damico: This isn't your first time in a restaurant, is it?
- Lucille: No, my ex-husband used to like to eat out, may he rest in peace.
- Vic Damico: So he passed away?
- Lucille: Not yet.”
“- Noelle: Disappointment doesn't kill.
- Abby: Right... rejection kills. Disappointment only maims.”
“- Marcy Tizard: Is being an idiot like being high all the time?
- Sean Kelly: No, it's like being constantly right.”
“- Abby: Say something.
- Brian: I want to make love to you.
- Abby: Never on the first phone call.”
“- Cowboy: You were right, I was a brain dead redneck asshole. Though I never screwed a sheep or my sister.
- Heather Mooney: Why not, couldn't catch 'em?”